The world today have people thinking who you are is not enough or good enough. We have to transform to be like some one else. Why ? That person is being themselves. You have your own talents, gifts, skills and power to be you.

Finding yourself is worth the journey to self. Your life will change once you find you. Journey to self is beautiful. You get to learn who you are,  you get to know who you are, it is the beginning of you loving and appreciating yourself.

The journey of life you really have to master the game.  Sometimes the days are really long.  The mind is racing and out of nowhere tears. I kept wondering why? For me I think I have figured it out. It seems each time I have these tearful moments my life has flashed before me and it makes me sad.

Reason being, I am not happy with my life and where I am standing.  Looking back at all the mistakes along with the choices and decisions  on how to correct my so called mistakes.  Looking at myself is very sad.  I have so many should of's , could of's and would of's .  Sometimes thinking purpose is suppose to be this grand thing and I am not on it.

I tired of the tears but I also realize they will never go away. I had to look at all tears are not from sadness but some are from joy, peace, love, and being so blessed. I made a choice and a decision to focus on just the sadness.  Looking in the mirror the unveiling of self is powerful.  

​Tears if I let it leads to healing, mind opening thinking and some peace.  

Why healing doesn't have a time line? Question I always ask myself when I can't get over the next thing that has happen in my life.  Do we ever heal from anything totally? The next question I am seeking the answer to.  Trying to understand, I have to look backwards to move forward.

Moving backwards there is a chance of getting stuck. This has always been my problem. I get stuck in that old hurt or pain now I have set myself back from my current healing process.   People sometimes don't understand your process in healing because it is not their process. I know everyone have heard someone say "Get over it" or Get Pass this".

Think of healing like a wound. Some wounds heal quicker than others and some internal wounds never heal but we carry time in the shadows of our hearts and mind.  Healing is all an individual process in that person's life.  People who heal quicker than others think something is wrong with your process of healing.

To me there is no time line.  Also I believe you don't have to stop living because you are still healing. Life will continue to be a journey of experiences. 

There are road maps to getting from one town to the next, but what about the road map to life?  There is no true map except what a person wants out of life.  Creating your own map there has to be a vision of how you see your life.   Sometimes this vision is very cloudy because of your upbringing or what you have been told by other people about who you are .

Now, you are faced in the mirror with questions.  Who am I?  Where am I going?  What is my purpose, etc...?  Once you have found the answers,  the journey to creating your own road map is about to begin.  So, how do you see your life now?  

The map of life  can be created with great imagination.   Your life can be as beautiful as your imagination  mostly if you  believe in your vision.   The creation of this map will be  filled with ups, downs and a lot of losses.  Your design will not be liked by some people even family but it is your life's journey.

Your journey in life is a road map that should be based on your design.  You have been given some good and bad foundation building but the creating of this road map is yours in the making.  You get to pick and choose the direction because  you have the freedom and understanding of what it is that you want out of life.

Planning with focus and intention are the most valuable actions when creating this road map.  Focus on the direction you want to go and plan with intention.  

Today was the first day in months that I felt like having a conversation with myself to focus and write something. My days have been filled with passionless feelings of expressing myself and thoughts. In my thoughts today I see how the world has me so distracted I can't really focus on my life's journey.  With the great amount of distractions I am starting to loose faith, trust of who I am and who I want to be.

I know I want to be a great writer, a influencer of helping people live their best life but my faith in self is weak and my trust in self is almost gone. Now my conversations are filled with questions and no answers.  How can you doubt yourself and trust people everyday that you don't even know?  We trust people everyday when driving that they don't cross the line into our lane but we don't trust ourselves with our life and everyday living. 

The thing that bothers me the most is that doubt makes me not trust me.  I don't walk the line with fear its not a factor but doubt is weighting me down.  So I tell myself you've got to get yourself from under this by renewing your mind.  Its not me!!!  I trust, I believe, I have faith in ME!

I figured out that I have to give myself some space for the world to get more connected spiritually. This connection removes all doubts and guides me to trusting me. I am finding the more inner peace the more trust you have in yourself and life. Today I found my inner peace when I took a run. The fresh air, trees, blue sky and stars blessed me this morning.

Trusting you is not easy when the world distracts you or when life hit you with some bumps and bruises. Building your faith and inner peace sets the foundation of a great relationship with you trusting you. 

Life lesson that I am currently beginning to understand. In life there is a road called beginning to deserve. People in this world are currently living in the world of give, all about me, and want. What have you done to deserve? We are talking about anything from love to being happy and money. This road sometimes many people don't want to travel because it details work and service to many.

To change your life you must begin with being self sacrificing and humble. This is the open gate to being blessed and deserving. I have started with myself. What can I do to make things better for me in order to help someone else? You have to begin the effort to think and wonder. I have opened up my mind to start this journey to deserve what I want out of this life.

Beginning the steps to deserve. Think of what it is you want no matter what it is you'll have to start working towards it. I am working on being healthy so I have to have a plan, discipline, learn and make time to work on deserving a healthy life. You've got to have patience with self and people patience because on this journey you also people won't understand in the beginning. Challenges will come but give yourself time to learn and grow into.

The value of deserving will start with you putting in work. Don't ask to be given or make everything about you. Develop the skill of earning everything in life and giving for the vault of blessing will open wide.

Today I have noticed that we are getting closer to a new year. I haven't really noticed the days passing because I have been so blessed to see the next day. I woke up this morning thinking about what I have to do today besides my appointments.  So, people that know me know I start my days off with God, meditation and people to motivate me. This morning at 5 am Titus Unlimited live @5 gave me something that I really needed to hear. Raise Your Standards was the topic. So it made me look at myself truly this morning. Everyone knows lately that I have begin my fitness journey again after a year off. He made me realize that I haven't truly been giving my all and my standards have been low. I know what I need to do because I have did the personal training/nutrition certification.  Me viewing myself what got me is that I want to be a certain way physically but my standard is it will happen when it happen. My effort is not full but it is there.

Raising my standards will make me focus more, my discipline will be on track and my visions for myself will come true sooner than later.  Most of my beliefs have held me back. I remember many times in my life I have placed high standards on myself but I lean on the old familiar you know them. What people think, family beliefs, fear, negative self talk that make you become hostage to low standards. Right now what is most important is who you want to become, be and life that you want to experience in the now.  Raise your standards but remember it's about you not others. My fear was becoming an island, guess what I am already there with what I am doing because none of my friends are into fitness like me.

Take that look at yourself to see where you want to be and your standards for you will be yours not others so don't let that hold you back.

 I am beginning to understand more of these life lessons. The bump, bruises and the ups/downs have added to my value.  I am becoming more of who I am while learning my purpose. I am a solution to someone's problem.  My life lessons is my testimony to how I made it this far through storms and good times.

Everyday I've been blessed has add value to me and my life. The more days I am given make me more valuable. I am filled with who I am while I am carrying my future within.  The more valuable I feel it lets me release the secrets of me held within.  I am about to deliver my gifts.  

​

Loneliness, I never thought I would be in this position. My life has been simple and a bit predictable after I discovered peace with me. I opened up my life to a stranger, now I am feeling lonely. I say to myself how can this be? Now, this person is no longer in my life now I am feeling this. I got use to us talking for hours, for days. This experience is gone. 

The stranger brought pleasure, joy, chaos and drama to my life. In my search for joy and happiness I got caught up in this world of chaos. As I was drowning in the mess I discovered that I was the stranger to this world. I don't live a life in the world of pretend. I live in reality. The introduction to lies, deception, fakeness I must admit brought me a bit of pleasure. Then came the pain.  I taste the fruit of feeling special, thinking I found a friend, and feeling I am worthy of this person's time only to fall into deception. 

Who would thought a snake that is cold and cunning could be filled with so much charm. The words that were spoken melted in my heart. I begin a ride on an emotionally roller coaster. Now I am in the mist of the chaos so here comes the emotional games. Not that I am in love but I liked the feel good pleasures the words were giving me.  How can I feel that I know this stranger through our conversations but in reality I don't really know you. Now I can't be without you so it brings me to this loneliness that I feel.

God open my eyes to show me I got caught up in someone's else need for lust, pleasure and to think they are a God.  Even with me being in a state of loneliness a lesson has been learned. I will not take myself for granted again. I will love, appreciate, cherish the person who I am so no one else will have to tell or make me feel special when I already know I am.